How to Deal with Difficult People at Christmas.

How to deal with difficult people at Christmas

Christmas can be one of the most wonderful times of the year, an opportunity to meet up with family and friends that we haven’t seen for a long time but it can also mean we have to be around people that can be difficult and we’re not so happy to be near.

Office parties can be fun but there’s usually someone we’d prefer to avoid.

Meeting up with a group of friends often means there’s someone in the group who is annoying.

Family and loved ones often bring people along that we wouldn’t choose to be with.

Even people we love can bring up uncomfortable feelings and especially if we’re near them for lengthy periods of time.

So how can we get through Christmas without being upset by anyone and not allow them to ruin our good time?

Remember: Their behaviour is about them, not you

The key to maintaining peace and goodwill around difficult people is to recognise that everything that they say or do is about them and has very little to do with you.

Most people behave the way they do as a result of their own fears, thoughts and feelings and is more to do with past times.

People often behave the way they do because:

They learned early on that being loud was the only way to be heard.

They were criticised regularly, so now they criticise first to protect themselves.

They grew up around tension, so conflict feels familiar and even normal.

They never learned emotional regulation, so their feelings spill out onto others.

They were made to feel small, so they overcompensate by taking up too much space.

Most of these patterns happen unconsciously. They’re not intentionally trying to upset you — they’re reacting from a place that was created long before you were in the picture.

We all behave the way we do as a result of what we’ve learned from past experience whether it’s good, bad or indifferent and we’re all a mixture of all of those things.

So when others are being difficult don’t take what they say personally. Remind yourself that you’re only responsible for your own behaviour not how others behave.

When you recognise that other people are projecting their view of the world as a result of their experiences, you become more resilient and their words and behaviour don’t have so much impact.

And sometimes the same thing happens for us. Someone’s tone, expression, or behaviour can unintentionally tap into a memory, an old hurt, or a part of us that hasn’t fully healed, so uncomfortable feelings are being triggered by their words and behaviour but has little to do with them and is more to do with your own memories.

Lead with kindness - but keep your boundaries

So be kind and gentle because you really don’t know what’s happened to other people in the past for them to behave the way they do.

Although kindness doesn’t mean being a pushover. You can remain dignified and compassionate by using calm and yet firm responses. Practice changing the subject or saying phrases like “lets talk about something else” or “I understand how you feel but I’d rather not talk about this right now”.

Practical things you can do in the moment

Here are some grounded, simple actions that can help you stay calm and in control:

✨ Take a deep breath before you respond

A slow breath helps your brain shift out of stress-mode and back into clarity.

✨ Excuse yourself gracefully

You don’t need a big explanation. A simple, “I’m just going to get some air,” is enough.

✨ Plan your breathing space in advance

Find a quiet spot — a hallway, garden, or even the bathroom where you can reset if you need to.

✨ Use the ‘neutral topic pivot’

Gently steer the conversation somewhere lighter: “Have you got any plans for the New Year?”,“What are you watching at the moment?”, “How’s your week been?”

✨ Set time limits if that protects your peace

Shorter, calmer visits are better than longer, stressful ones.

✨ Have an ally if you’re attending with someone

Let them know you may need a quick interruption or change of topic.

✨ Keep reminding yourself: You don’t have to absorb their mood

Your only job is to take care of your energy.

Be gentle, with them and with yourself.

You never know what someone has lived through, or what shaped the way they behave and they may not know what shaped you, either. When you approach challenging people with softness and patience, while still holding your boundaries, you protect your peace and your wellbeing.

Acts of kindness trigger serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin — all those lovely chemicals that help you feel calmer, happier, and more connected.

So if someone at your Christmas gathering behaves in a way that’s unkind or difficult, remember that they’re doing the best they can with the emotional tools they have. Nothing more.

Take a breath.

Step away when you need to.

Respond with calm clarity.

And keep choosing the peace you deserve.

Wishing you a very happy Christmas X